Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
