Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
