Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
