There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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