if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
