just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
