he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
