just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
