at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
