Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
