It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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