I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize