All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
