I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize