I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
