So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
