I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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