Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
