oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
