You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
