This girl is more easily done than said...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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