I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
