I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
