he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
