Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
