Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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