Soap is not a condiment
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
