i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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