Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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