accomplished twins. life is a go
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
