i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
