I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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