It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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