she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
