I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
