names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
