Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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