At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
