I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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