either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
