to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
