Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
