shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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