Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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