Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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