Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
