life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pooping to opera.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
