upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
