i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
