you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
