census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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