I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
