my mouth tastes like poor choices
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
