omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
