I look better un-naked...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
