i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
