But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ruined the universe
Randomize
