I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw a hot homeless man
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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