I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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