i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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