OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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