I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
