The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
