I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
