He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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