do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
