my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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