My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
