Ketchup is God's man juice
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
