i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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