you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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