apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
