Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
