I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
