so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
