my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
